Legacy

I've been thinking of my mommy a ton this past week. Mostly about how much I miss her but also trying to think of what kind of a legacy she left me. It's been three years since she passed away and I still have a hard time keeping myself together when I think of her. Her birthday is May 1st and She passed away on May 8th and we had her funeral on Mother's Day weekend so really it is like a whole week of memories for me. Oh, how I love her.


She was a pioneer woman to me. She joined the church( LDS ) in her teen years after losing her father at a young age. She married very young as well and set out to start a family like no other. I think it must have been a struggle to try and raise a family in the church when she wasn't raised in it herself. As any mother does, she made mistakes but now its seems all I can remember are the good things. Even though she had tough times she remained faithful. In fact her faith was simple but it endured. I remember asking her when I was really young if the church really was true and also asking what if it wasn't? She simply said that she believed it was true because it felt right and if someday she learned that it wasn't it simply wouldn't matter because at least she spent her time doing good. Her simple faith in Jesus Christ is what got her through the hard times, I am sure. She demonstrated her faith through countless prayers on behalf of her children and loved ones. She loved us kids tremendously and wanted good things for all of us.

My mom made everything fun and beautiful. This is her legacy. She was always trying to find a way to make things fun. She created traditions and memories for our family that left an enormous impact on many. My favorite memories are surprise birthday parties, lots and lots of road trips, Monster Dance( you'd just have to see it and be a pre teen girl to enjoy it), heart attacking neighbors, she would yell out "Make it Pretty Girls" at our Dance competitions. This is how we would know she was there supporting us and she was not embarrassed to to stand up in the audience and make hand signals in the air so that we could see where she was(we would make them back in the same order so that she would know that we saw her too), she would stay up late and make pancakes for my friends after church dances so that we could hang out and watch Saturday Night Live. Christmas Jammies of course, late nights playing all kinds of games(really really late nights), we just got a wii this year and the first time I played it I just kept telling myself "Mom would have loved this", She taught my kids the family secret handshake which is 3 squeezes of the hand that stand for I--Love--You, whenever I hold my kids hands they do this and I do it back, it can go on and on for a very long time, I can remember as a little girl my mom doing this with me at bedtime until I would fall asleep. She was very spontaneous and surprised us all the time, once she pulled my sister and I out of school unexpectedly and took us to Disneyland. Who does this? My Mom and now me. There are so many things that she did for us that now I am trying to recreate with my kids. As I grew up and had my kids she was always there for us. She stayed with us for several weeks to help out after I had my babies, she even potty trained a couple of them for me. We would go to Walmart for craft supplies at midnight in our PJ'S so that we could finish a project I will never forget that she would call and make me put the telephone up to my little babies ears so that she could talk to them. She would say that she didn't want them to forget her voice. My kids remember how everytime she came to visit she brought gifts. What they don't know is that this was a bribe of some sort for the little ones who might not remember her after being away and that was how she got them to warm back up to her. I could go on and on but the main point is that I am finding that I am more like her than I thought. Moms have a way of leaving a bit of themselves behind. All these memories and traditions are things that I am doing with my kids in my own way. I miss her terribly and find my self at times wishing I could give her a call when I need and Idea for a primary sharing time or talk. Primary was her thing for sure. She always went all out and had the best ideas for these kids. Sometimes there will be a name of a person or a place that only she would know and I'll wish that I could call her and ask. It can be so hard sometimes but I do know that she is with me in memories and that I could just look within and find her there because she left such an impression on me. Moms are amazing that way. I know mine is anyway.

You can't make a cute girl ugly?

Well, I got the hair done but once again I am disappointed. I guess maybe the problem is that I just don't think I am all that cute and so the idea that a hair cut can't make me ugly seems false. Don't get me wrong. I know I am beautiful on the inside and I don't consider myself ugly or pretty rather just me but I am very aware of the fact that a new hair cut isn't going to make me look like I did in my 20's. So even though a new hair cut feels great it would be even better if I had the same skin I did back then and of course that I was 50 lbs skinnier too. I guess I was expecting a miracle from a hair cut. On a different note. We had a great time in California but I will have to save all the details for another post. I have lots of fun pictures too but I've got lots to do today.

We spent one whole day in L.A. at the temple doing sealings. This is where we got married. It was so fun to go back there.

We also spent an entire day at San Clemente Beach. We had many dates here back in the day.
I really like this picture of Tanner and I but do you think it is possible to photoshop my fat arms and wrinkly neck.

We also got really lucky with leftover Disneyland Tickets from Jason and Jodi. We had so much fun but actually talked about how much we would love to have had the kids with us.
Disneyland without kids just isn't the same.

What to do. What to do.

I am in desperate need of some cute hair but don't know what to do. I'm pretty sure I want to go super blond like these pictures. And I love the short hair but always chicken out. I just spent 40$ on a hair cut a couple of months ago but was totally disappointed because I was not brave enough to do something different. I totally wasted my money. Not a bad hair cut but a boring one. So I love this Alexis Stewart Haircut but since I'm still carrying a lot of baby weight I'm afraid it will look stupid. So then this Reese Witherspoon caught my eye. Like it but maybe not enough change.
I also like this one too. Thought about going red too. Maybe for the fall.

What to do. What to do. Will somebody please tell me what to do!

Prayer Changes Things

I have always had a testimony of prayer. Even when I was very small I remember having experiences with it that left a big impression on me. I will admit though that at the darkest times of my depression, I often wondered if God really did hear me. And if he was hearing me if he actually cared. I know now that he does care and he does answer. I just wasn't listening and some answers were in progress. Meaning that I think some of my answers were going to take time and careful planning so that I would be in a place to actually hear it. Anyway I just wanted to share a more current experience. This was just maybe a month ago or so. I was having just an okay kind of day. Nothing to stressful or out of the ordinary but as the day went on I was finding that I was becoming more and more irritated with the kids and all their shenanigans. I was really trying to keep my cool. It was my goal for the day and it was at the front of my mind all day that I was going to respond to the kids lovingly. Well after a full day of cleaning up messes and feeling exhausted the little girls really tested me. Just when I thought I might get a minute to rest on the couch, one of the kids came in yelling that Meridee and Aida had just painted all over the walls in blue paint. I was fuming inside and I really felt like I just wanted to blow my top but instead I thought to pray. It was short, silent, and simple. I just closed my eyes and said Help Me Lord, Please. Just as I finished the prayer and opened my eyes the most unlikely thing happened. The one kid who gives me the most grief and worry came to my rescue. Audrie walked in with a washrag in hand and said it's okay mommy I'll clean it up. Even now this brings me to tears. I was so greatful that she had the idea to help out (an idea that was inspired I'm sure). I was so happy that I had to get a picture. She had most of it cleaned up before I could find the camera but I did get a picture anyway.

WANTED

Girlfriends! Friends who have time to be Friends.
Girlfriends who like to get out to see a chick flick from
time to time.
Girlfriends who like shopping but don't necessarily have to
spend money.
Girlfriends who have time for long chats on the phone while
babies sleep.
Girlfriends who like doing craft projects together.
Girlfriends who don't mind just hanging out and chatting with a bunch of kids running around.

I've been tagged

8 Item Tag
Here are the rules:
1)Post the rules on your blog.
2)Answer the six '8' items on the tag.
3)I tag: Maren, Stacy, Elizabeth, Jill, Lindsey, Mandy, Macey, and Kim

8 Favorite TV Shows:
1. John and Kate plus 8 (but really sick of how she treats him)
2. Home Improvement
3. Divine Design
4. 24
5. Office
6. So you think you can dance
7. I Love Lucy
8. Little House on Prairie


8 Things I did Yesterday:
1. Went to the Temple
2. Blogged
3. Spent too much time on face book
4. nursed Tanner
5. Changed Tanner's Diaper
6. Wiped up Tanner's puke
7. washed laundry but never folded any of it
8. Made a terrible dinner that nobody ate

8 Things To Which I'm Looking Forward:
1. Spring
2. Danny getting a job
3. Our anniversary
4. Planning weddings for all my girls
5. Shopping for clothes after I loose weight and we have money again(I have nothing to wear right now)
6. Doing some sewing
7. Kids going to bed
8. Decorating projects (after money comes in again of course)

8 Favorite Restaurants:
1. Kneaders
2. Café Rio
3. Pei Wei
4. Los Hermanos
5.
6.
7.
8. ….? We don't eat out much

8 Things on My Wish List:
1. Live in a cute little town farther away from all the bustle
2. Traveling (so many places I want to experience)
3. Build my Dream House
4. Have two more babies( don't worry probably not going to happen. I know my limits but it is still a wish)
5. Do some ball room dancing
6. Go on a Mission with Danny
7. My kids will grow up to have have strong testimonies of the gospel and be worthy to go the temple someday.
8. That I will have lots of Grand babies someday