Here are just a few of my thoughts as I had another one of my infamous meltdowns on Sunday. I remember when Danny and I were engaged and I used to say to him " I want to do the girl things". He wishes he had recorded it to play back to me because now I don't want to do the girl things. What are the girl things you ask? You know all the cooking, cleaning, raising of kids, and all that being a wife and mother entails. I used to be so excited to clean my house. In fact at one time I was so fanatical about it that I washed the base boards and mini blinds every week and scrubbed the kitchen floor on my hands and knees because the mop couldn't scrub it as good as I could and I loved to cook and tried new recipes all the time. I even subscribed to cooking magazines and of course I couldn't wait to be a mother. I wanted to live a life surrounded by children all the time. I always wanted to be a school teacher because I loved kids. Elementary Ed. was my major for a long time until I realized that being a mom and going to school wasn't as easy as I thought, so I changed my major to finish more quickly but I also learned that teaching my own kids was enough. I used to take my kids on field trips to museums, parks, story time at the library and I wanted them with me all the time. I even considered Home Schooling them at one time. I would go to great lengths to plan elaborate Family Home Evenings and Date Nights with Danny. I loved doing all of this. I was organized and made lists all the time for planning out my days, but something has changed. What I am about to say may shock you and know that I love my family more than anything but I really don't love doing all the girl stuff anymore. Where did all that passion go? Did I start off too fast and then just fizzle out, or is it a lack of energy, or depression, or did reality finally set in? Perhaps as the kids got older and I had more of them, the more house work I have acquired and it leaves less time for anything else. I am really sick of house work. And I feel bad that my little ones aren't getting the same kind of fun mommy that I was with the older one's. And as long as I am being honest here, I really don't enjoy being around them as much as I used to. I need long breaks away and more of them. I know that just sounds terrible, doesn't it? but when I think of the alternative to go and have a career or anything away from them, that does not appeal to me either. I know I want to be here and I do love them I just need to be inspired again to fuel that passion I once had for everything girly. I am in a big rut. Lori Williams(Alldredge) suggested a book to read. I ordered it but it hasn't arrived yet. I am hoping for some inspiration. It is called Living A Beautiful Life by Alexandra Stoddard. So I'll let you know if it helps change anything in me. I hope so cause life just needs to be a little more enjoyable right now.
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6 years ago
3 comments:
Oh, how I feel your pain......don't feel bad, be embarassed, or even hide your feelings for that matter, you are human. Life is no stranger to change and that includes you and your surroundings and as you enter into each phase of your life, different things will inspire you. You will never be that mommy that you were 10 years ago, that was a different person, and your right, your younger kids have a different mommy than the big kids.....but that's not bad....it's just different, learn to embrace where you are at this time in your life, make adjustments that make you and your family happy and never feel guilty or apologize for being who you are, be happy that you have had many stages and learned something different each time. Embrace the new Beth, find suitable shortcuts that are smart and clever, laugh all the way and don't forget to write it all down, thanks for being human and even more so for telling the truth, the truth goes a long way......
Love,
Tami
Hey, you've got to have a lot of things going for you now in the mommy department that you didn't when your older kids were born. Find those things and emphasize them.
I get a little obsessed with trying to give each of my kids the same experience - its one of the reasons I quit scrapbooking altogether. I knew I could never keep it up through all of them.
and MAN, I need to find things to enjoy in my life too. Let me know how you like that book.
I left you a huge comment that just got erased.
I'll try to make it shorter. You already have great advice on here not to be too hard on yourself. I know you are still a FUN mom. We cannot expect our kids to have the same experiences with us, our lives change. I mean if they could all be our first then that would be great, but isn't it nice we learned from one and did better with the next.
You prob already have your kids help you, but I am just starting to realize how much my girls can do to help me. This excites me cause they are only going to get older and more capable. IT is our duty to teach them about cleaning, organizing, etc.
Also, since getting back in shape life is much easier for me to take. I have more endurance, feel great, and I am healthier. I noticed tonight while bathing my kids, and washing their hair (which I hate doing with a passion) cause I have to be hunched over for so long, it was easy tonight. I thought to myself MAN, when I carry extra weight and I'm not healthy everything is such a burden to me. SO keep walking/running.
Anyway call me I'll spare everyone my yada yada yada-ing.
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